Becoming a Woman With Her Own Point of View

There is something compelling about a woman who knows what she likes.

Not because her taste is necessarily extraordinary. or because everything she wears is fashionable.

Not because her home is perfect, her wardrobe immaculate, or her life beautifully curated.

But because her choices feel like hers.

She wears clothes because she likes them, surrounds herself with things that mean something to her, has opinions, and she can admire what someone else has chosen without immediately questioning her own choices.

She doesn’t need everyone to understand her taste, and she doesn’t need permission to change her mind.

She has developed something increasingly valuable in a world overflowing with influence.

A point of view.

We Begin By Looking Outward

Most of us begin our relationship with style by looking at other people.

This is completely natural; we learn by observing.

As children, we notice how the adults around us dress, live and behave.

Later, we discover magazines, films, designers, celebrities, friends, colleagues and now an endless stream of people online.

This is part of developing taste, but eventually, something needs to shift.

We need to move from asking, “What do they think?“

to:

“What do I think?“

That sounds simple.

It isn’t.

We Have Never Had More Opinions Available to Us

There was a time when fashion advice arrived periodically, but now advice follows us everywhere.

Much of this content is entertaining. Some of it is genuinely useful. But, there is a point at which inspiration becomes noise.

If we absorb enough opinions without questioning them, it becomes surprisingly difficult to distinguish our preferences from everybody else’s.

A point of view requires us to hear ourselves amongst all of that noise.

Personal Style Is an Opinion

We often think about personal style as a particular aesthetic.

• Classic.
• Minimal.
• Romantic.
• Bohemian.
• Dramatic.
• Quiet luxury.

But perhaps personal style is less about fitting into an aesthetic category and more about developing an opinion.

• I like this.
• I don’t like that.
• This works for my body.
• That doesn’t.
• I love this colour.
• I don’t care whether it is fashionable.
• I feel wonderful in these trousers.
• I don’t need another pair of shoes.
• That handbag is beautiful, but it isn’t me.
• This old coat is still one of my favourite things.

These small decisions form a personal style far more convincingly than any label ever could.

Personal style is not a costume we adopt; it is the accumulation of choices we make when we begin trusting our own eye.

You Don’t Need to Be Consistent All the Time

Having a point of view doesn’t mean becoming rigid.

Sometimes when we begin defining our personal style, we create another set of rules for ourselves.

• My style is classic, therefore I can’t wear that.
• I only wear neutrals.
• I don’t wear prints.
• I always wear this silhouette.

But we are human beings, not brand guidelines.

• We change.
• Our bodies change.
• Our work changes.
• Our circumstances change.
• Our taste changes.
• Something we disliked five years ago may suddenly appeal to us.
• Something we once thought represented us perfectly may no longer feel right.

There is no failure in this.

A point of view is allowed to evolve. In fact, it should.

The goal isn’t to become predictable; it is to become discerning.

Confidence Doesn’t Require Certainty

There is a subtle difference between confidence and certainty.

Certainty says, “I know I’m right.“

Confidence says, “I’m comfortable making this choice.“

We don’t need to believe our taste is superior to anyone else’s.

We don’t need to persuade another woman to wear what we wear.

We don’t need to defend why we love something.

And we certainly don’t need to turn personal style into another hierarchy in which some women have “good taste” and others don’t.

A woman with her own point of view can sit beside someone whose taste is completely different and appreciate it.

Because another person’s choices don’t threaten her own.

That, to me, is confidence.

Stop Outsourcing Your Decisions

One of the unintended consequences of having so much information available to us is that we can outsource almost every decision.

There is nothing wrong with seeking information, but information should inform our judgement, not replace it.

At some point we need to close the browser, put down the phone and decide.

Style Is What You Choose to Keep

Over the course of this series, we have explored noticing, choosing, refining and using.

They may appear to be separate ideas, but they are really part of the same process.

First, we notice what we love.

Then we choose what deserves a place.

We refine what remains.

And finally, we use and enjoy it.

Over time, something begins to emerge.

Not a perfect wardrobe, a perfectly curated home, or a perfectly intentional life.

Something far more interesting. A pattern.

• The clothes we repeatedly choose.
• The books we keep.
• The objects we treasure.
• The places we return to.
• The people we make time for.
• The ways we choose to spend our days.

Together, they begin to tell a story.

Our story.

Style Extends Beyond Clothes

This is why I believe style is much bigger than fashion.

Fashion is one expression of it, but style can be seen in the way we create a home.

• The way we entertain.
• The books on our shelves.
• The places we visit.
• The objects we keep.
• The way we speak.
• The standards we set.
• The way we spend our money.
• The things we choose not to buy.
• The way we use our time.

Style is not about making every corner of our life aesthetically perfect.

It is about coherence; the feeling that the choices we make increasingly belong to the same person.

You Can Admire Without Becoming

One of the clearest signs that we are developing our own point of view is the ability to admire something without feeling compelled to adopt it.

Another woman can look extraordinary in bright colour. You don’t have to wear it.

Someone can create a beautiful minimalist home. You don’t need to remove everything from yours.

A friend can buy a designer handbag. You don’t need one too.

Someone can build a capsule wardrobe of thirty pieces. You can own considerably more.

Someone can love a trend you dislike. Neither of you is wrong.

We can allow other people their preferences without turning them into instructions for ourselves.

There is tremendous freedom in that.

Your Life Does Not Need to Look Like Anyone Else’s

Comparison becomes particularly dangerous when we compare our complete lives with carefully selected and curated glimpses of somebody else’s.

We see a fragment and imagine the whole. Then, without realising it, we begin adjusting our lives toward something we don’t actually understand.

Becoming Doesn’t Have a Finish Line

The title of this article is deliberately Becoming a Woman With Her Own Point of View.

Not Be a Woman With Her Own Point of View.

I don’t believe we ever arrive at some final version of ourselves.

We are always becoming.

• Learning.
• Changing.
• Refining.
• Reconsidering.
• Discovering something new.
• Letting something old go.

Personal style evolves because we evolve.

The woman you dressed ten years ago is not exactly the woman you dress today, and the woman you will become ten years from now will not be exactly the same either.

That is not something to resist; it is something to remain curious about.

Know Yourself, Then Choose Accordingly

Perhaps this is where style and intentional living finally meet.

Both begin with attention.

Both require choice.

Both benefit from refinement.

And both become richer when we actually enjoy what we have chosen.

The objective isn’t to construct a perfectly curated identity; it is to become increasingly conscious of the relationship between who we are and the choices we make.

Intentionality doesn’t demand perfection. It simply asks us to participate in our choices.

To notice.

To question.

To decide.

And gradually, to trust ourselves.

Perhaps the ultimate expression of personal style isn’t owning the right wardrobe or knowing all the rules. Perhaps it is knowing yourself well enough to have preferences.

Knowing your preferences well enough to make choices.

And trusting those choices enough that they don’t require everybody else’s approval.

A woman with her own point of view doesn’t need the world to agree with her. She simply needs her choices to feel like her own.

Every day you have to reinvent yourself.

Oscar de la Renta